Trust your Heart….

Some years ago at the wonderful age of 15 I met AB, a tall, gorgeous, spontaneous, fun loving and awesome natured guy. AB and his cousin where on Holiday and camping at the same place my family and I had been camping since I was about 10. Ceres Dennebos was a beautiful place, Tall pine trees, a little river with peddle boats, a putt-putt course, a hall where they held “Sokkie Dance” evenings and an Olympic sized pool.

My sister and I spent every year at the pool and sometime we would go hiking up into the Ceres mountains to find Mountain rivers to swim in with our parents. This specific day I recall it was shatteringly hot as always in Ceres and I was lying by the pool getting a really awesome tan and popping in and out of the water trying to stay cool. Anyway, toward the end of the afternoon I was approached by a guy who was as they say “playing the Macho card”. This guy thought he was Gods gift to every woman in the Universe, he tried to pick me up with all the lines he possibly could but I had my eye on his friend and I made it very clear, very quickly with a response to one of his smooth lines “So who’s your friend?”…LOL! He nearly died but said oh that’s just my cousin AB! Anyway to cut to the chase, AB and I had a wonderful 6 week Holiday shared in Ceres, we spent every waking moment together,we danced and swam and we had a Summer Love affair… When it was time to end our Summer Love AB went with his family and I with mine and that was the end of that….. or so I thought…

Funny how 22yrs went by while I lived my life, had my relationships and carried on with life but never without a thought of what had happened to my “Summer Love!” I searched for him on Facebook, LinkedIn, Dating Sites and various other places but never really had much luck until suddenly last year I got an invite on Facebook one evening from AB…. I could not believe my eyes and because I am Single I figured no harm in making contact again, nothing ventured, nothing gained….right??? WRONG, OH SO WRONG!!!!! Ab lives in JHB and at the time of us making contact again he was involved with a woman with 3 kids from her previous marriage, they were engaged but apparently NOT happily. AB and I spent every day chatting via IM’s, via email, via sms, etc and I was lead to believe that the relationship was doom and gloom and that this woman was a money seeking dragon witch from hell, all she wanted out of him was money, money and more more. After a few months I got a nasty message on my cell from a number I did not know, I was called all the names under the sun, I was accused of having an affair, accused of being a fat Fucking whore, a husband thief, a home wrecker and blamed for ruining a perfectly fantastic relationship….. Excuse me?? What planet are you on woman, your relationship was doomed before I came along and HOW ON EARTH could I be having an affair when he lives in JHB and I live in CT. A good few messages were slung left and right and eventually contact with AB was severed.

Only 2 months later…. AB made contact with me again, apologizing and begging forgiveness, promising and assuring me nothing like that would ever happen again. My thoughts were YAY, Finally I have someone to love me, someone who wants to be a part of my life…It has been so long 6yrs to be exact but that”s another Blog post… My Heart jumped up and down and told me not to trust this whole big sobby, bullshit story, my heart warned me NOT to TRUST the lies and the manipulation but in my mind all I could think of was finally being a part of someones life because THEY wanted me and not the other way around.
I opened myself up to a can of spiraling worms…. Demanding, Possessive, Co-Dependent(Emotionally) all became traits I was not used to having in my life. I was suddenly expected to answer for where, how, when, etc and I din not like what was coming my way. AB seemed to become Insecure about me not being online 24//7, not chatting to him via IM and even though I explained I was Hectic with work I still got guilt sms’s or guilt emails until I flipped cos I had just had a shitty day and he chose the wrong day to question me about my lack of availability to chat… I should have trusted my Heart, I was not ready to have my space invaded even though he was not “in” my space, he was in no way ready to be loving me, this long distance relationship was just not meant to be and it was not working for either of us! So I trusted my Heart finally and sent an sms asking if things were OK between us and if there was a need for concern… The response the next day via sms confirmed… I SHOULD have TRUSTED MY HEART SOONER….

AB ended our relationship via sms by saying he will always Love me but that he was not ready to be involved with me and did not want to string me along any longer (a little too late for that) but that he knew I would be alright (you think so??)and he wished me all the best! So I responded with Thanks and Good Luck…

The lesson I have learnt from this most recent hurt is that I should have known better and I should have Trusted My Heart…. It would have saved me from looking like an idiot…

Good Luck to you AB and Thanks for the Lesson… unfortunately for you, you screwed up BIG time and you won’t be getting a 3rd chance to have me in your life!!! We broke up on 19 June 2012 and by 27 June 2012 your Facebook status changed to in a Relationship…. How PATHETIC!! Karma is a Bitch and it will come back and bite you so hard you will never forget my name….

Love and Light



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